Who Sucks Now?
At first I thought Jennifer was just being mean to me again as she is wont to do. But then it hit me - she just wants in on my instalanche. She's very clever. You see, I say Glenn Reynolds sucks and get an instalanche and then Jennifer says I suck and gets a Blovilanche off the instalanche.
And then I thought Jen was kidding with the whole Alliance and Axis of Naughty thing but then I found this.
Do you see what I have done here, people? I have brought together two warring factions! I have stopped a war! At least temporarily. If this blog can do that, this blog thinks it should be sent to the Middle East. This blog feels it can unite Jews and Palestinians. And then Iraqis and Iranis. And then Syrians and those people the Syrians aren't crazy about. And then this blog will go to Ireland to unite the Northern Irish and the Southern Irish. And finally, I will bring together the cats and the dogs!
There's almost nothing this blog can't do if it puts it's mind to it!
Vehicular Bling Bling
I was coming back from lunch and saw a truck with those hubcaps that never stop spinning. I'll never understand people. What is the attraction to these things? Am I supposed to be impressed? Amazed? Why look, Harriet! That car is stopped but looking at the wheels, it appears to be still moving! What a witty and interesting young man that must be if he has wheels that never stop spinning! I bet Marge would get a kick out of them. How clever!
And you wonder why I hate people. Then, if that weren't enough, I see an old Ford truck with the following bumperstickers:
Eat'n Chevy, Shit'n Ram
Plant Manager (next to a pot leaf)
A naked chick (no text, just a naked chick)
Save a Mouse
Something about beer that I couldn't read
There were many many others but I couldn't read them. More ultra-cleverness, huh? What I love is the subtlety. Vulgarity with just the right amount of nuance. Idiot. My favorite was the 'Plant Manager'. Cops must love this guy.
Cop: Please step out of the car.
Idiot: What did I do?
Cop: You were being an idiot.
Idiot: What?
Cop: Just step out of the car and put your hands on the hood. We're searching your car.
Idiot: For what? You have no probable cause!
Cop: See that bumpersticker? Now look in the rearview mirror. See your eyes? That's probable cause. I'm surprised your license plate doesn't just say 'ARREST ME'. I've been doing this job for 20 years, young man, and I've run into some pretty stupid people but you, son, are by far the stupidest.
He also had about 150 tiny dashboard Jesuses lined up across the dashboard. I guess he thinks that'll save him from the cops.